Escaping the Entitlement Epidemic: How to Break Free

Let's understand this happens in other situations as well. So we go from the calm, the flirtatious, the funny, the whatever else, and then it gets to violence. Then it gets to anger, and then it goes back again to calm and then goes to pleading that it goes to being the victim again. I've watched this video. It's a very consistent pattern and it's disturbing how quickly the person can change. Hello and welcome to Awake at the Wheel. So in today's episode, we're going to be exploring entitlement. So these days, I think we hear this word a lot when we see poor behavior and, you know, people behaving in a certain way. And I want to start out with a story that I witnessed from a couple of weeks ago at the airport. So I think this is maybe a perfect example of entitlement. But I also think there's perhaps some other things going on there. So, Oren, I think I shared this story a little bit with you. I'll get into some more detail. So on our recent trip to Florida. Before boarding, we had some time, so decided to grab a bite to eat. There's a Japanese restaurant at the Detroit airport. It's airport food. So I wasn't expecting, you know, a whole lot. But also the prices were quite high. Again, I think to be expected at the airport. So we sat down, We're waiting for our food and the couple next to us. It looks like they had ordered a ton of food. And we hear some rumblings between the woman and the guy and she just didn't seem impressed. So she called over the server and said, you know, I'm not happy with this. And I kind of leaned my ear over a little bit more to hear what she was saying. And she just went on and on and on about. And I was actually worried. Let me pause for a second. I was worried because I had ordered some sushi and like, maybe sushi or sorry, airport sushi wasn't the best idea. I'm like, maybe there's something gross about the food that she ordered. And I'm listening and she's like, the presentation of this is completely inappropriate. We come here all the time, and for $14 or roll, I would expect this to be presented far better than it is. And she went on to say, and if anybody actually thinks that this is acceptable, there is something wrong with our society. Right. Like she's talking about sushi at the airport. So the server was, you know, professional and polite and said, you know, I understand. But this is the same sushi chef we've had here for 20 years. And I don't see anything particularly wrong with this. And she then demanded to go and speak to the chef. So she got up out of her seat, went over to the sushi counter and gave the same story to the sushi chef. And I, of course, couldn't see the look on his face, but I can imagine kind of shocked and didn't really know what to say. This went on to the server, then saying, Well, would you like me to call my manager? Well, of course I want to call the manager. Of course I need to talk with this. This is completely inappropriate and unacceptable. So she called the manager. They waited for a little while. The manager came over from wherever in the airport she was. And the same story repeated about how inappropriate this sushi presentation was. Well, to make a very long story short ended in the manager saying, okay, we'll completely take it off the bill. And while I can see where the manager is coming from, she totally did not back up her staff there. I could hear rumblings between the chef and the server after this person left. Just about how like, rude and just unkind this woman was to them about a non-issue. So was this entitlement. Maybe. Was this her having high standards? Maybe. But probably not. But this really kind of brought to mind the podcast and something that we can really talk about, because I think that this is happening more and more and is becoming more and more, I wouldn't say acceptable but permitted. So what are your thoughts on that story? All right. So many layers for such a simple story. So first, my wife is Japanese. She makes like literally the best sushi you can imagine coming over. All right. And so she knows the presentation is important. That's part of the whole thing. Okay. So on the one hand, I understand, you know, one food presents certain. We understand the price. I was at the airport and paying $15 for a terrible hamburger. Not happy, right? Know so? So I get all that. So, you know, as always, you and I, we don't take a black and white approach. We try to take nuance or try to integrate everything more than one thing can be true at once. So I can understand her being upset, etc.. It was the attitude, you know, with which she was presenting her case and treating the other people. That is is the story I'm hearing. And the funny thing is, when we do diagnoses for narcissistic personality disorder, one of the questions when we do the structured clinical interview for the DSM is we ask when you something, when things go wrong or whatever you do, you always demand to speak to the top person or the person in charge, something like that. And it's funny because, you know, ask us to literally thousands of people and some people, they say it and you know, they're a narcissist. Others there's a reason behind it. The same I'm the same way. I'm if I'm going to talk to an underling part in the language. But, you know, how am I going to get recourse? Are they going to be able to do anything, etc.. So the reason I'm saying this is, you know, before we start throwing labels around or people other people tossing diagnoses, we talk about another podcast, how people are talking about these things. You know, two things can be true at once, or just because something is true doesn't make it something else. So demanding to talk to the manager or the chef or whatever isn't in of itself narcissism, but it's the way that it is. It's, you know, enacted and is, you know, is this part of a broader pattern that the person is always going to be, you know, demanding and always have unrealistically high expectations and so on? So, you know, I just want people watching this. You've got a ha this is saying, I told you I knew that you were a narcissist because you did that. Yeah, there's layers to it. So and then in general, this mistreatment and I think we'll see it in the in the videos, this mistreatment of people, whether it's a server, whether it's a police officer, whether it's a teacher. The fact is, yes, you're right. It's becoming more accepted. It's being more tolerated, it's being more promoted. And as I'm sure you and I will talk and I know it's going to piss off a small segment of the society, but there is a clear reason why this is happening. And then the final point, just with all these layers, the drinking word of a drinking game, word of it today will be entitlement, I'm sure. And the fact is, for over 15 years I came in because I know I said this on a TV interview about 15 years ago, 15 years ago or more. I said, when I've spoken to leaders in various industries, okay, bosses, managers, VP, CEOs, whoever, And I asked them, what's the number one word that you use to describe young people? Update your employees, your staff. The most common I don't even know if it's like it's 70 or 80. I think it's like 98%, if not 100% of the people all say entitled. All right. And that was over 15 years ago. And it's only got worse over time. And the fact is, people are actually asking because if people are born entitled, so to speak, of kids are just to help us. They want me to be me. It's not their fault that they're this way. It's the fault of the parents or the structures in society that permit them or encourage them to be this way. That's what we're going to be talking about. So that's my $0.02. And this is the thing, right? You're correct in saying that, yeah, kids are born this way because that's a survival instinct. They have to be, you know, they're egocentric when they when they're little and parents do cater to that because that's the way it is. But when that doesn't stop is when it clearly becomes problematic. And to touch on what you said earlier about personalities, cause I think that all too often people throw around that term narcissist. But the reality is we're talking single digits of the population who actually meet the criteria for personality disorder. So we can't blame all of this behavior on that, as some often do. Right. And again, tossing words around without meaning is never helpful. So that's how I want to say it can be a sign of narcissism. It certainly is a sign of narcissism. But just because someone acts that way doesn't mean they are a narcissist or they have narcissism now distorted. They may be a narcissist, quote unquote. Okay. And the reason I'm saying this is as we're talking, we might be when we ask, as always, well, what can you do about this? Well, it's not just about recognizing it in yourself if you have certain tendencies, but if you see these red flags in somebody else, you know, let's see it for what it is. Let's not rationalize it. Let's not make excuses for that behavior, which is what's happening, which is why it's getting even worse and worse. And it's interesting that, you know, sometimes when I talk about people being entitled, I feel like an old lady saying, kids these days and this and that. But there is, you know, with the the growing content being placed on the Internet, we're seeing evidence of this left and right. And we're going to look at some perhaps more extreme examples. But these are happening more and more. So without further ado, let's watch the first video and we can talk a little bit more about what we think is going on. On March 7th, 2023, an officer was called by school staff in reference to a drunk minor who had been misbehaving and was very uncooperative. She had also hidden a bottle of alcohol in her pocket and wasn't taking it out. Here's what happened when the police arrived. On the right hand. She was right there. Mean that's right there in the house. I'm trying to tell you. We're trying to tell you. Listen, I just wasn't. Okay? I don't. Okay, well, push it up. Yeah, Knock it off. It's all. All that stuff. It's not the most helpful. Yes, it is. I'm so. Sorry. He didn't stop. It's like. just like I want you to touch me. Okay? You're in my room. Think you're trying to show up to face up to something? No, I'm a man. Half your healthy diet. But you're doing this. my God. Yes. I'm. His mother arrived and engaged in a heated argument with the staff and the officer, but they are really, like, hysterical. Look, if I like to do something to detain things, I like her. She's in a Texas principal. When I went to. School until I was like a little boy to become a writer for alcohol. What does it mean? that's true. But she's not like that. Me, obviously. I want a story that you can show. But she determined. You can pick up where she said I would change her mind. Was in the diner. my God. I don't like that. You're going to be charged tight. For what? She's gonna be charged with murder. I have to do the rumors later. yeah. It's got to be charged. Better going to school personnel and minor possession of alcohol. So the first word that comes to mind for me is lack of accountability on both of their behalf. So I want to say this gently and kindly, understanding that there are indeed problems. But I will say that I think a lot of that attitude stems from this hate that people have for police officers now. Right? There's this automatic, well, I'm going to sue you. You obviously were doing something wrong, as is what the mother jumped into. And even with the daughter, you know, she's behaving badly. The officer is enforcing, you know, his rights to to do his job, essentially. And she goes, you hurt me, you hurt me. And it turns into this whole thing where, you know, she's not holding herself accountable in any way whatsoever. So for me, that that's the the overarching theme. There is no accountability whatsoever. All right. So for me, there's several things. That's the big one for sure. And what people have to understand, this was edited. There was much more before the police officer actually took her down. I have seen the whole video. Same with mom. She kept coming back and fighting. So so does everyone knows there's far more context to it. The girl had been calling her mom and that's how her mom knew about this and is speaking to her being really rude to the staff, to the police officer, to everybody, and as a no accountability thinking, I can say and do whatever I want. If you saw this, I mean, again, we're going to sound like old people don't get off my lawn. But the fact is, it's just decency. This person had no decency, no civility, no respect for anybody. It was reprehensible behavior. And so there's a few things about this, and I'm sure that's going to cut across several podcasts. But I know this is one of my dirty little pleasures. I am watching these videos. I started watched it because I want to know what actually happens. We hear all these reports about police officers treat people badly, blah, blah. So I started watching and as many as I could from a variety of different sources. If you go to only one source, it's always going to be a narrative. But these are the raw police video cam footage, so it's not like they're editing and there's not a documentary and everything we're seeing as much as we can see. And so a few things that people aren't going to like it. But the reality is if you watch enough of these, you're going to see that in most cases, not all. In most cases, if you're respectful, if you fall, if you comply and everything like that, nothing bad is going to happen. The worst will be proportionate to what you've done. If you sped, if you've got alcohol hitting on you or whatever, it will be dealt with in a very minor way. And by the way, in the end of these things, you see these people, they kick officer do all these things. They flee, they do they have like a litany of like ten different crimes in that one incident. And then it's always pled down to almost nothing. Okay? So now their lives aren't being ruined, even though they are, they should be ruining their own lives with their conduct. Anyway. The point is, so when you watch all of this, it really it really contradicts the lie that all police officers are racist, all you know, cops are bastards, etc., etc.. And really, because when they talk about how people have certain groups get mistreated or, you know, are assaulted, etc., again, if you watch this, people from the same group where they don't act suspicious when they don't fight back, when they could just comply. And I'm not saying cause people would say, you look, I'm not saying to give in, you know, mindlessly to authority. I'm saying be civil and respectful if the other person is being that way with you and if an officer is being a little bit rude to you. Well, you know, go through the process and then afterwards you can make a complaint and many people do. And if you have grounds for complaint, do it. The point is, though, again, these videos really do show if you conduct yourself properly, things usually play out pretty well. It's a people who don't conduct themselves properly. In most cases, they're always exceptions. In most cases, that's why they spirals out of control. And you don't believe watch enough of these videos and you will see. Yeah. And I almost feel like and I don't know, I'll I'll preface with this, but it almost seems like in some ways it's a self-perpetuating problem. Right? These groups are told from a young age, don't trust the police. The police are X, Y, and Z. So then when they've done something wrong and become in contact with the police, there's this automatic bias on their behalf about how the police are going to treat them right. And look, we are pattern recognition machines. All humans, all creatures, are we? That's that's how we function. We recognize patterns. So if somebody and I'm going to give, you know, let's say, benefit of the doubt, as it were, to, let's say one of the alleged criminals, I'm not saying in this case, I mean, her behavior was just inexcusable. Okay. But if let's say you've done nothing wrong and cops come in, you've been told your entire life, not only are cops going to mistreat you, but they could shoot and kill you, which we hear all the time. We hear, you know, they the unethical lawyers coming on and saying this has happened in every major city in Canada, in the states where something happens. And without all the details, people promulgate just misinformation. People hear that they don't hear the corrections. They only hear this false narrative being portrayed. And again, does it happen in some cases, yes, it does. Should those police be held accountable? Yes, they should. Are they always Not at all Those are not always. Sometimes they are. Right. We're having a certain case in Toronto right now with the police officer who shot a teen who was in a mental health crisis on a streetcar many years ago. His family doesn't feel they're getting justice. The point is, you know, if we take a black and white approach, either all cops are great and anyone who gets hurt, they had it coming, they did something wrong or all cops are bastards and everyone's and, you know, whichever one, it's not helpful, obviously. Right. if you're if you're raised to believe again that you could be shot just if a cop stops you. Right. And you're acting suspicious, even if you're innocent, a police officer picks up that suspicious behavior, they are going to act a certain way. And then that's, as you say, that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. And so it's not the fault of the officer, sort of all of the person, if they haven't done anything wrong, if they're only being a little bit tense and suspicious, if they haven't actually acted rudely like this young woman did. But if they're actually, you know, innocently, just reflexively or whatever, it's is a vicious cycle. And I blame the people who are promulgating these false narratives. They are to be held responsible or they should be held responsible. They're not. And like you said, we there's more to this video and obviously there's pieces that we don't know because, you know, it's only a video and one slice of this individual's life. But I think we can make an educated inference here about the parenting that this child has received where probably was not told no very often the world probably revolves around her. No accountability. So there's there's lots of things, you know, beyond what we're seeing in the video itself that likely has perpetuated and allowed this type of behavior. You know, and it's it's tricky, too, because I feel that many would call us, you know, parent blamers or shamers or whatever the case may be. But the fact is, what is this kid like 13, 14 years old, right? At that age? You're a product of the upbringing that you've had. You know, Yes, there's influence from social media, from friends and so on and so forth. But that type of behavior doesn't come out of nowhere. Right. And seeing the other mother react and I'm going to agree out these videos and whether I know you read the comments or whether you look at the let's see if there post on the X or somewhere, it's like a Rorschach in blood test. It's amazing. We can all be watching the exact same video and the interpretations can be so diverse because some people would say that mother is only fighting for her daughter because she was manhandled. You know, like, wouldn't you do that same thing, too? Yes, I would fight for my daughter, but I would wait to get the facts. And my daughters are in trouble. Sometimes they've been the victim, whatever. And I get all the facts. So when I do speak with the principals or whoever else is involved, they know, okay, like I say, I'm not rushing to my daughter's defense. I've heard all the evidence. And if you have anything to contradict that, I'll change my tune. But knowing what I know, here's what's going to happen, right? And I do it respectfully, civilly, whatever. And I hold whoever is accountable to account. Okay? It's not my daughters get a free pass. And that was not the case here. Now, here's a problem. Back to the whole what we've been talking about, which is, you know, people instead of looking at the fact that this mother we get, we don't know all the details. So we're just going from what we're saying. So she seems to be justifying her daughter's behavior. She seems to be, you know, attacking anybody. But for her, you know, her daughter's own conduct. Right. The alcohol. And they said she brought alcohol to school. Hey, where's she got the alcohol? Well, that's good. That's a good question. Where do you think? Right. And I don't know if she's going to, because I know at the end of the video, which we don't see, but the mother calls the school and even after, you know, after things have settled down, she's still attacking them. So I'm going to hold you, you know, I'm going to sue you, whatever. Right. Call the police, I think is appropriate. But anyway, the point is, so what some people will do is they'll look at that and they will see, I believe that they say the mother may not be white. Okay. So they're going to say she's from some intersectional minority, some group or whatever. So and instead of looking at the mother's conduct, they're going to say blah, blah, blah. And they look at all the societal ills that have been perpetrated against her, which may not even be true. They're just making these assumptions because of group identity. So instead of looking at the specific behavior of the girl, of the mother or of the police officer or whatever, they're looking at the culture and they look for excuses to justify this. And that's what we're talking about, that this type of behavior and we're just a few seconds later as well. When you're told from a young age, none of this is your fault, it's white supremacy, it's colonialism, it's whatever that is going to foster in anybody, It's not about somebody. The color of their skin is not about the genetics. It's about being told if you're if you're told from a young age, a certain narrative that becomes your reality. So that so again, society is creating these little entitled monsters who believe not only are they allowed to get away with it, but they should conduct themselves. This way because they are sticking it to the man, or they're fighting against white, white, white supremacy and so on. And as we always talk about, you know, it's such an example of good intentions executed poorly because, you know, like we've spoken about in other episodes, about DEI initiatives, you know, I think that they are good insofar as identifying sociological phenomena that could be contributing to the way that things have historically been or people have been treated and so on and so forth. But that's been mangled into an excuse for poor behavior. Exactly. And by the way, and then when people bring up stats to show it, it was like, well, because of racism, because this and once again, hate have to always have these caveats. But not everyone's watched all over videos and people like they're triggered. They look to be you know, they're looking for outrage. You know, none of this to deny that there are certain historical and even present, you know, socio cultural factors that that affect some people more than others. Yes, that is true. But to use it as an excuse, okay, that's the problem. To use it to help explain it, that just explains it. The person still must be held accountable and we have to take steps to remedy these behaviors, these mindsets and so on. And instead we're just ramping up and saying, no, no, no. Every every evidence that you give to prove something or we can't prove it to support a you know, a fact like, for example, you know, that that there are certain we won't get to a because different podcast but basically that there are certain that certain people in certain groups were in fact able to conduct themselves pretty well. They were able to rise, they were able to do A, B, C, and D, you know, the C 50 years ago. And then something happened socially and socially and, you know, and through the government and everything like that. And that changed and everything. So they were, you know, 200 years ago, certain groups are doing really, really bad. Then they actually improved their lot and now it's gotten worse again. Okay. Well, how do you if yo over time were the society is improving. You know we're we're putting things in place to help bring equity and so on. We're trying to help people out and it's getting better and better and better. Yet people's conditions are getting worse and worse and worse. That doesn't make sense. And again, it didn't for a while it was getting better and then it went down again because certain societal policies, certain government programs. But when you put those numbers out, when you actually show the evidence and say it's not simply whites supremacy, there are other explanations. Unfortunately, people don't have the, you know, the mental and emotional capacity to step back and say, I know. I want to believe this. I know that's what it feels like. But the evidence suggests something else. Maybe I need to revise that. And by the way, in revising my position doesn't mean that certain factors aren't still there. It just means that they may not be the only explanation or maybe they're only a tiny explain. And there's other factors that we should look at things that can be perhaps changed as opposed to pursuing these crazy policies and these belief systems that are only proving to be harm society. Absolutely. Yeah. So. So should we watch the next one? Sure. I'll get off my soapbox. One more thing. Sorry. Sorry about that one. I think we just because somebody might say, you know what? The girl she had been drinking, so we might say some of her conduct might be because of the drinking. And in a lot of these videos and when you watch police arrive, especially one is females. When you see them act a certain way, let's not negate the role of alcohol. So alcohol is partly there. But the fact is, a mother, she was sober and when she called the school, everything was like complaining she was sober. Well, and yeah, I can certainly acknowledge that alcohol is playing a role. But let's take that a step back and say, well, where did she get the alcohol? That in and of itself is is a huge part of the problem. Right? Yeah. Okay. All right. Let's check out the next one What on earth? What are you doing right now? I'm not with your. Hands behind your back. Go rest. Slow down. Under arrest. Under cardiac arrest. No place under stress. Palestinian resistance can't do that. No, You're not going to. You're not going to stop. Stop. I wish we didn't have to stop. I wish we didn't have to stop. We tried to work it out with you. Stop. And for whatever reason. We decided to stop policing the violence. I'm sorry that this is the way. That you have to go. This is not the law. This is a lawful ceremony in and of itself. I'm not resisting. I love it. I have to say, you're sexually assaulting me. Well, sexually assaulting me. No, not less. Hey, Dad, help me. I am not helping you. Please help me. Please help me. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Now you're getting a felony. You have violated the office. Don't touch me. Stop, stop, stop, Stop. Stop that. He. He's mentally ill. Stop touching me. my arm. Since I sent the car. Can you please pick up an additional car? I don't want to have to help you. I got to talk. Okay. Get off me. Stop! Hey. Door. I can't. I'm sorry. I may be under the influence. Sorry I told you to. Yes. So you're in charge of resisting assumptions. You try to answer them during the meetings. Are you supporting him because he assaulted me. Explosive that you grabbed me. And then she touched my breasts for no reason. So I don't know. This is really about my skin. So I'm talking like, think I'm progress from the snow man's work on my back. You know, you shouldn't have surgery like that privately. First of all, you should have not been out here, not with her doing it. Suction. And come down from the door, actually kind of pliable. It's a lot of level with the universe. We're going to open the door, but you're going to get put back in handcuffs if you fight us. Do you know, like, liability policy? Like, do you guys have, like, some sort of office. Like commercial outside of silk? So for context here, what took place initially, this was a multiple part video. The father actually called the police because he wanted her to get out of the car for trespassing. So I guess, you know, to touch on what I mentioned earlier about parents saying no, the caption there said, you know, the daughter is finally told no and she lost it. So, okay, maybe. But the way in which she was speaking like that just I don't even know what word to use, cause I don't want to use the wrong word here. But like the the calmness of her initial way of speaking was concerning to me because it almost sounded like she was trying to set up these police officers for something. And frankly, I was disgusted when I heard her say, You're sexually assaulting me. I like to use that term in response to these people. Again, doing their job because she was resisting is just absolutely unacceptable. And, you know, it's one of these things where I don't understand where this this whole like lack of any respect whatsoever for authority has arisen from and or and I know you and I have talked before about, you know, the difference between you as a teen and me as a teen. I was a highly law abiding citizen who was afraid of all authority and followed all the rules. And you weren't. But regardless, you know that that wasn't very common. I think that for the most part, and even in your circumstance, I think that there is a limit and there is a line where you're like, okay, fine, I'm going to listen to authority and and abide. But I feel like more and more there's just this absolute utter disrespect and disregard for the authority of police officers. And it's so concerning. It is let's add one more word, disdain and the belief they can get away with it. Now, I'm telling people I post this on Facebook months ago, if you watch enough these videos, you will say police need to be paid much more. And I think I said this in the previous episode where I said, if you look at the abuse that these police officers have to put up with because people are, you know, allowed to say it's their constitutional right, they can say what they want, you know, within limits and they can say horrific things about the police, They can insult them, they can be rude. And if they do this in any other job, what would you do? You would call the police and have them escort it out. We don't have that ability. And so people say, well, it's only because of body cams. As body cams weren't there, they'd crack them upside the skull. And that may be true. Which, by the way, I'm glad this body cam for both, you know, for the public's protection and for the police to show that so many of the things that we hear. And once again, I get I'm going back to this that when young people all they're hearing from social media, from their teachers, from you know, from the news, is that these police officers do something horrible without knowing the facts, then they believe that I'm a I'm going to have the same thing happen to me and be I'm allowed to fight back because these cops are terrible people. It's their people. They're just pigs. They're this or that. And again, you're right, I didn't have respect for authority when I was younger, but I did have a fear of consequence. And so I knew when to you know, when to knock it off. And in so many these videos, when you talk about the calmness and again, if you watch enough these videos, which I have and this is going to be a little bit of a tangent, but again, we always try to connect this to a broader topics. So the fact is you will watch these and whether the woman is and I don't mean me picking on women, okay? Men have a whole other, you know, way of conduct themselves. But this is so common when you know that there's a pattern. So whether they're sober or drunk, you see them acting a certain way often, you know, they're either they're being polite. She's saying, please, whatever, even if they're insulting, but they're being polite, they're being calm. Sometimes they're being flirtatious. You're trying to be funny. Okay. This happens all the time. And these videos share well, they're only a tiny slice or whatever. Well, it's not just in these videos. When there's a domestic violence call, when there's when there's theft, when there's other calls. I myself directly have seen this in the work that I've done, when I've had to do these assessments where this is how the person conduct themselves. And the fact is that as you're saying that with this woman, she's basically trying to use Jedi mind tricks. You're under arrest. No, I'm not. Okay. These are not the droids you're looking for. Okay? Just make a joke. A cardiac arrest. I'll give you that one. That was pretty funny. Okay. But you know, again. No, no, I'm not. No, I'm not trying to dictate the narrative. And so extrapolate from this situation to another one where the person claims something happened and there are so many of these videos where they claim the police officer did A, B, C or D, and some of these women, they're not just young women. Sometimes they're professionals, sometimes they're politicians, sometimes they're other police officers. But we have seen so many cases where even when they know that they're being recorded, they make these false allegations. And then fortunately, the you know, either it's a recording they didn't know about or the recording they were aware disproves, you know, their narrative. But they say it with such conviction and they say it with like with such authority almost, that people tend to believe what they say. And if there wasn't this recording, we would believe, my gosh, this thing happened. And again, I'm not just talking about police arresting somebody, even in case of domestic violence. And again, I know it's a whole other topic and this is not, you know, crap all over women day to day. I'm just saying in this case, these videos are revealing certain realities that we want to extrapolate beyond the simple context that we're watching. Let's understand this happens in other situations as well. So we go from the calm, the flirtatious, the funny, the whatever else, and then it gets to violence. Then it gets to anger, and then it goes back again to calm and then goes to pleading that it goes to being the victim again. I've watched this video. It's a very consistent pattern and it's disturbing how quickly the person can change. And again, just think about that. If they can do it in this context, they can do it in others. Absolutely. Yeah. And that's the concern. Exactly. And I was going to make that exact same point that, you know, yes, this is only one slice of their life that we're seeing. But chances are, if they can behave this way in that context, you better believe that there's other if not many other contexts that they have that same pattern of behavior. And that victim mentality, I think is certainly something we've spoken about before in other contexts. But that seems to be arising in at least the two that we've watched so far where it's like, well, no, I'm the victim. I didn't do anything wrong. Even though with the small snippet of what we're seeing, it's very clear that they did something. The police aren't going after them because they did nothing like, let's let's be realistic here. Right. And one thing that you can see all the time and if you don't believe me, type in for example, sovereign citizen police, stop or traffic stop. Okay. So many times the police officer says if you don't get out of the car, that's the number one thing you see. Get out of the car. Now, there are certain situations in context where you don't have to produce that. We're seeing if you're being lawfully stopped, this is now a lawful order. Get out of the car. Sometimes people say, well, you know, they're asking, what are my rights are fine, but you do this for 30 minutes when the police officers have other things that they need to get to. When you're demanding to see a supervisor and you expect again, this is narcissism, whether it's diagnosed diagnosable or narcissism, to expect this police force should send somebody at three in the morning. I want the police chief or the superintendent or whatever to come down and whatever. Okay. The police officers warn we are doing our legal duty, our lawfully constituted duty. And if you don't get out of the car, as we are asking you to do, if you don't comply, we are going to break this window and you come out and they're warned over and over and over, and then it happens. And then you see the person later on in the video saying, therefore, for some reason, you know, they just broke the window. They didn't. Again, it's this twisting of narratives, always self-serving. That's what people do. Okay. But in such a way that it distorts reality is gaslighting and once again, again, I'm not over the American dinosaur, these people. But the fact is, whether we are raising whether there's full blown narcissist or narcissistic traits, we are raising children and teens or young people to become narcissistic, to believe that they can be, that they are entitled to certain ways. There's no consequence to their action, and that if something goes wrong, that they will have recourse, not that they will say, I'm going to find somebody to blame. Okay, This is again, these are some of the main traits of a narcissist. And we are encouraging this. And without rehashing everything we've spoken about in our parenting episodes, I really want to encourage people to go back and watch those because, you know, without jumping too far ahead, what can you do? Well, you can, from a young age, instill proper parenting strategies that are going to ensure that your child knows that the world doesn't revolve around them. And that there's accountability. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So there's a third one with these kids at the mall. Let's let's watch that and then we can kind of tie it all together. Okay? What's your lesson, Jeff? I said in your favorite get get mom or dad on the phone so I can talk to you to quit smoking. I'm bad ass. Okay. I need somebody. So that's going to be one. It's just going to happen one or two ways. So this is all you have. You have you. Have you ask them to leave? Yeah. Okay, so this is the stuff. Sit down. You're not going anywhere. Sit down. So this is gonna go one or. Two sound bite. You're not going to leave. So he just said. I cannot let you leave Your child's, and now I've got to contact the parent. Sit down. Hey, don't. Don't touch me. Don't go to jail. Touch me. Okay, You sit down. Don't touch me now. Don't touch me. Okay. Let me at least something is. Going to happen. Or two ways. You're either going to get a parent on the phone or go talk to him or you go to jail. This is just a way. To trespass up to warn of the asked to leave. That old guy, you never that he never. Wanted to simply call a parent and let me talk to a parent. It's that simple. That's all I'm trying to tell you. So call a parent. You have a cell phone call. What did you tell them? What does it matter? Call a parent. I understand what the problem is. Just call. Is. The problem is your approach. The problem is whatever you want. Right. The problem is you don't listen. That's the problem. I haven't told you this. I have been told always. You go. You tell me to tell the police. well, I. I'll say. That's why I know who all is. But I get off all the time. You call a parent. he's just etc.. Which is the rest. So what do you guys say? Go ahead. No, we're not saying that. You are going to tell me because I just say kids jail. It's okay. Yes, I can tell. My mom is finished. Copy me. Give me out here. We have to comply with this officer. Sign it because it's not going to take you to jail. He already has enough. Right. Give me. I'll give you. All I have. He calls. It doesn't matter. I'll talk about you. Get him anyways. Even halfway anyways. well, would I do so if I was double crossed? Doesn't mean no. Sense. Okay. His oldest daughter name. You know what she is like? You know what she told me? I don't have to tell you anything. What's on your mind? I swear to God, that's on body. Can I? He'll be quiet. Said you found if I had a double me to. The side of your job shot. Shut the fuck You know that This car is deep. You don't cry. Which is probably support me. Don't want to be ground so fucking bad on those shit. All right. So, yeah, much like the other two that we watched, you know, lack of accountability, Mother, you know, automatically jumping to the defense of her daughter before knowing the whole story again. I think it goes down to or comes down to these kids not having respect for authority, not actually believing that there's going to be real consequences for their actions, I think is a really big piece of this as well. Well, to the mother's credit, afterwards, when she realized what was going on, she really did lay into the kids and she was telling them and, you know, it's about you better respect and this and that. And she's in security as well. So she understood. So I think in the end, the mother did the right thing. I'm not saying thing about her parenting beyond that. But the fact is, yes, everything that you said, the kids are, you know, evincing these types of belief systems and behaviors. And we've talked about this before, but I don't think it can be stressed enough, which is have to understand that kids are seeing so many of these videos on TikTok, especially of their supposed peers acting like pieces of crap, acting so disrespect this son and this is becoming the norm. Okay. This is funny and it's revered. It's revered exactly. It's not just being model is being modeled in the most like the most amazing way that this is what you know, this will get you something right. And and again, people we're social animals. We we imitate what we see. And if we see something and it has bad consequences that people go, whoa, okay, I don't want that to happen to me. But if there's no real bad consequence of the consequence are actually supposedly positive, then people are going to be enticed to want to do it themselves when all they see from a young age. Parents, please stop abdicating your responsibility. Know what's out there. Have the talk with your kids. And I've had so many parents say, Well, what can I do? They're going to see these videos and we've talked about this before, but it's worth saying again, yes, they are going to see them, but you can play the role of filter, help them create their own filter and realize, yes, this is going on. It's wrong. And, you know, it is disrespectful. It's this and that. And at the very least, at the very least, if you act this way, there's a really good chance that some negative consequence is going to come to you at the very that can resonate. Now, most teens will say, yeah, they won't believe it, but at least you can say you've tried your damnedest. And I hope on a deeper level, deeper level, just some, you know, civility, morality, pro-social, believing, pro-social. And once again, the problem is that teachers, far too many teachers and these, you know, the social media influencers, quote unquote, influencers and parents themselves, as long as well as peers and so on, and the politicians, so many of these people are portraying the authority figures, police, especially teachers and so on in the most negative light. So why would kids have any respect or fear of them? Why would they think they need to abide by what they're saying when they are just tools of white supremacy? I know I keep going back to that, but the fact is that's what kids are hearing. Yeah. And to that point, as our listeners know, I work with a lot of police officers and who've been in the profession for 20, 30 years and have witnessed that change and that evolution of the attitude that society has towards them and how detrimental that is to them asserting their authority. So, you know, it's not just videos on the Internet. This is, you know, firsthand knowledge that that I have. And working with these individuals who are quite dismayed by the fact that they are not being permitted to do their job, quite frankly. So, you know, we've been talking a lot about parents and, you know, the role of parenting in this. But I want to talk a little bit about what people can do if they're adults and they're recognizing like, hey, maybe this is the attitude that I have. Maybe I am a little bit entitled and what can they do? So I would say that easier said than done. First and foremost and if it is somebody who actually does meet diagnostic criteria for a personality disorder, even more difficult to be able to take that step back and recognize one's own behavior and what needs to change. But generally speaking, I would say that one of the biggest things that's missing with these individuals is the ability to really stop and reflect and have empathy for others around. So if we go back to sushi lady that we talked about at the beginning of the episode here, I think that one of the biggest things that was lacking from her was some degree of empathy. So know, fine, let's agree that maybe the sushi at the airport wasn't the best sushi she's ever had, but she didn't consider and at least in the way she portrayed her case, did not consider the, you know, the stance of the server of the chef of anybody else in the situation, not to mention the discomfort of all the other patrons in the restaurant listening to her making a scene. So I think that, you know, if there's one thing that people who are recognizing that maybe they do present with a little bit of entitlement, the best thing that I would say to to work on practicing is reflect on can I be more empathetic. 100%? And so empathy for the others. And, you know, empathy does not it's not a zero sum game. If I think about the other person's perspective, this person's just a server. They're just doing their job. Whatever else. Okay? They're not the ones that the price they didn't present the sushi, right, for example. So thinking all of that does not take away from your position, you can still advocate for yourself. You can still try to get some kind of recourse or whatever, but with, as you say, with a little bit of empathy, a bit of compassion, doing it the right way. And even pragmatically speaking, if you act like a jerk, people, most people are not going to feel compelled to try to do right by you. So, you know, at the very least. But yeah, the empathy is so important. And then the second part is, and my whole book, if I ever get published, is about this, which is personal accountability. You know, it's not blaming yourself unnecessarily or needlessly or harshly. It's saying, you know, what is my role in all of this? Either in making the problem or in trying to remedy it? How can I do it in the most practical, effective way? And again, if I've done something wrong, I've got to own it. And, you know, and unfortunately, that's become a bad word today. You know, in the old days, it's a sign of strength to be able to recognize your faults, to be able to apologize for it, and to try to make amends for it, at the very least to apologize. Okay. So I'm telling people, I say to all my patients all the time, right, I advocate for you and I'm trying to help you. But the most the best way I can help you is to help you take personal responsibility. And the thing is, I've mentioned this before, but rationalization is basically making bad excuse or cheap excuses for your actions or inactions. And it's so easy to do that. And I tell people it's just a cheap defense mechanism and try to set your set your bar higher, trying to say, yeah, I could do that. I could say, well, these damn airport fees and all these all these servers that I've had bad service before and you can do that. It's easy. Sure. And you can sleep at night, maybe. But there's a part of you that probably deep, deep down knows that. Wait a second. I'm part of this as well. What was my role in all this? And when you lie to yourself like that, you think you're sleeping better at night, but you're not. Eventually it catches up to you. So the having the insight to say I'm not perfect. I'm, you know, I've made my mistakes, I've done whatever. And you know, again, I have to take personal accountability for it, respect any accountability from someone else I need to as well whether it's in the situation maybe in the situation I'm totally flawless, fine. But at least conduct yourself properly. And, you know, if you need to escalate, fine. Do it in a pragmatic and effective manner. But don't start up here being a total asshole and just making out again, making life miserable for everyone around you, right? Yeah. So I feel like this is a theme that will weave its way through many of our future episodes. But listeners, we want to hear what you think about entitlement. Is it something that you've been witnessing a lot more lately? What are your thoughts on the videos that we watched? Leave your comments? And we'd we'd love to know what you think. And on that note, until next time, keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.