boys are being set up for failure right from the get go So for every one girl age 15 to 19 who dies by suicide, 3.5 boys take their own lives. boys are now more likely to be obese than girls it's not a zero sum game. Hello and welcome to Awake at the Wheel. So in our last episode, as part one of this series about boys and some of the challenges that they're experiencing in society today, we spoke about the TV series Adolescence, which profiled a young man who found himself in some challenging situations and ultimately ended up committing a very serious crime. While many of the themes in that show were dramatized and perhaps hyperbolic, we do recognize that there are some of these issues that are truly taking place in the lives of boys and leading to some pretty challenging outcomes. So while that was just a show, there are some startling statistics that have come out recently with respect to these very issues. So the Center for Social Justice in the U.K. just released a report in March of 2025, referred to as the lost Boys report. Essentially, it touches on many of the statistics surrounding the challenges that young boys are finding in the areas of education, socially and in the workplace, all of which are leading to some significant mental health outcomes. So, Oren, where should we begin with that? Maybe, you know, you have the stats, so if you want to just maybe read out a few, maybe we can do on this chronologically like. Sure. I know going into work and everything, maybe starting with school and building up okay. So some of the main areas that were analyzed in this report, like I mentioned, were education, work and so on. So let me just take a look here. I've highlighted some of what the most startling stats are. So with respect to education and academic underachievement. And I will note that these are stats from the U.K., but I do believe that many of these can be extrapolated to North America, to Canada. Perhaps the numbers aren't identical, but probably quite similar. So only 60% of boys are school ready at the age of five. In comparison to 75% of girls. So what this means essentially is I'm assuming in the U.K., kindergarten starts at age five. Here in Ontario, it starts at age four. But in terms of school readiness, they're finding that these boys don't have the skills and perhaps emotional maturity to be able to be in a school setting. So I think right off the bat, boys are being set up for some challenges just because of those inherent gender differences that exist. And that's not to say that boys can't go to school at the age of four. But I believe the point of that is they are not sufficiently equipped. So right off the bat, that is certainly a challenge. Additionally, this report indicates that boys make up over 70% of all school suspensions and expulsions and more than two thirds of students with special education needs are boys. Girls have been outperforming boys in every major subject in what they refer to as their GCSE level, which I believe is like the senior levels of high school. So girls are outperforming boys in those areas. So before we jump to the other categories, let's talk a bit about education. So again, like I mentioned, I think that this suggests that boys are being set up for failure right from the get go in terms of things that are not being done to prepare boys. I think that first and foremost, I think back to separate boys and separate girls schools. I recognize that there's probably challenges with that, but I really wonder what role that played in fostering their success, because it probably was more tailored to the different needs of boys and girls. It's it's a good question. I mean, I've seen so many people who were raised in, you know, boys and girls schools separately. And it may have it may help them in the younger years to sort of adjust in your being, you know, like the teaching is geared toward one sex or the other. But I can also see in their adolescent years how sometimes they're so ill prepared because they didn't have that ability. They didn't learn to navigate and negotiate, you know, with the sex and and to know what interests are on it. So it's tricky. So I think the better approach would be I mean, with especially in Canada, we don't have the funding, but you know that you have more teach either smaller classes. So it's easier for a good teacher to, you know, to be able to influence, to control the children, so to speak. And to cater to the different needs. Or you have more teachers, ideally of two teachers per class, and you can have different groups and don't have to be only boys and only girls. But if some children have a hard time just sitting still and listening and they need to be more physically active, which we know is more likely with boys in general. And then when you look at the increasing rates of either legitimate ADHD or “ADHD”, where they have a hard time regulating their emotions, then you could have one group doing this more quiet, you know, thought out process, you know, or activities and the other group being more physical. And then when they're bit tuckered out or whatever, then you can either integrate them or switch or do something like that. To me, that would be the ideal solution. But unfortunately, you know, with all the despite having being taxed to death in Canada, they're not using those resources properly. And the schools are not set up for that kind of success. Absolutely. Yeah. So with regard to employment and work status, some of the really troubling stats that this report highlights are there have been there has been a 40% increase in the number of males aged 16 to 24 who are either not in education or employment or in any sort of training. So they refer to them as NEET. And yet boys. So that's almost half of that age group that are not doing anything for obvious reasons. That's very problematic. Another stat here is that young women aged 16 to 24 now earn approximately 9% more than young men in their first time employment. So this is really important because I think that there's been a lot of talk about the pay gap between men and women, but it seems like a lot of these challenges are now contributing to a reversal of that, but not not in a positive way. Well, not in a positive way. And it's still just being ignored and denied. All right. And if you tried if you speak to if you if you tried to speak to somebody who's in a position to do something about it, whether it's an academic, whether it's a policy maker, whether they just look at you and they just it's as if you're speaking, you're speaking heresy, basically, you're speaking against the orthodoxy, which is, no, no, no. Women are disadvantaged. Don't you know that? And they'll try to think of all these excuses to negate the, you know, the findings. And they all say, okay, well, that's 16 to 24. But when you look later, you know that as they get more into their careers, that reverses back again. And the males are more likely. And they talk about all these you know, the number one factor, of course, that women, if they choose to get pregnant, they are sidelined for a period of time. So and then once they have kids, they're still more likely to be, you know, contributing to the family and taking care of them. That hinders their career as well. So it's these are factors that cannot be denied. But that's later on, early on, when you're having so many young men feeling discouraged when they're saying, why, Even if I look at job applications, we've talked about this in previous episodes where, you know, if you're a white male and you're being told, well, these positions are literally at least in Canada, like they exclusively state, it's only for certain types of people and you're excluded and you go, wait a second. And I mentioned this before, Why are women in some of these positions where women actually make up the majority? Why are they being considered, you know, as a marginalized or a minority or special group where they will get special consideration? You have to be a woman. Like, where is this coming from? We are so slow to respond. And you kind of when we went from the kids to like being prepared for school to educate us or to, you know, to to the workforce. But there's stuff in between as well. And, you know, you talked about like suspensions and so on. But there's other stats as well, which is that I don't have the numbers off the top of my head, but for many years, at least since the nineties, I want to be very clear here because Christina Hoff Sommers, I may have met her before. If you check her out, Christina Hoff Summers, Soma, she has a podcast called The Factual Feminist. She wrote a book in the year 2000. I think it's called The War on Boys. That's in the year 2000. And, you know, prior to that, she wrote Who Stole Feminism? I think it was 94, 95 maybe, or early nineties. So and she was citing statistics about stuff that we're talking about from, you know, late eighties, early to mid nineties. So it's not like it just happened. This has been going on for years, yet the people in charge are still pretending that it's not happening. And if you dare mention the statistics, you're a misogynist, you're a denialist. You're all these terrible things. And so I think people really have to recognize that this has been going on for quite some time. And again, I'll go back to what I said earlier, which is the school system is not designed for a lot of boys. It's designed for, you know, the can boys nights are still yes, boys can sit still. As much of a troublemaker, as much of a class clown, as much as a terrible student. The high was I was for the most part, I wasn't like, you know, jumping on my chair and everything like that. I was able to sit still, everything like that. But so I'm not just talking about the small percentage of kids who have actual ADHD or, you know, quote unquote, ADHD. I'm not just talking about them. I'm talking about the average boy who might, you know, and some girls to night who might do better if they were catered to differently. And I'm not saying a narcissistic creator. Just recognize how boys and girls have different learning styles, have different cognitive needs and and Right. So the schools really have it's not changed again, at least 30 years we've known about this and little has been done. If anything, it's only got worse. Yeah. Yeah. And this is this is so problematic. And earlier when you were saying this isn't a zero sum game, I think that the bringing up of women in the workforce, in the education system, in STEM and all of these things, these are all wonderful. But it I feel like I'm going to get in trouble for saying this, but it seems to have been at the expense of boys. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Like boys and girls should both be given the appropriate opportunities that they require in order to thrive. And it just seems to be it's one or the other in that for obvious reasons, is problematic. Yes, exactly. And again, I just go back to because I know that I was red pilled back in 1995 or whenever I read Christina Summers book. And it looks she's got some flaws in her reasoning, her arguments, and some of her claims are outright wrong. Quite frankly, sometimes I won't get into a lecture about in my classes. So, you know, she's not perfect by any means. But when I first heard about this and I read about it, I saw I was like, this can't be true. And I checked that she had it all referenced and footnotes and everything, and she showed. And this is what's really important. She showed how many, quote unquote, educators and researchers and policymakers took data, manipulate it, twisted it, just sometimes outright fabricated it basically, and used that to push an agenda that we're you know, that we're seeing today. So it started before. But again, like I said, that was the mid-nineties that I read her book and like that. And again, that was from data from the eighties and early nineties that, you know, really showed that there was a problem brewing. And again, I'll keep saying it, it's gotten worse or worse. But the reason I'm saying this is that we, you know, if we look to the quote unquote experts to solve it, we're looking in the wrong place because it's the experts, quote unquote, that broke it in the first place. So we need credible researchers. We need to be able to say that if you point something out, if you bring out statistics, that we're not going to say these statistics are misogynistic or racist or homophobic or whatever you want to ridiculously claim, you know, you have to say, let's look at the data. Let's make sure it was done credibly, that they are the myth that the methodology is is not as weak as the problem is that we see a lot of people on the other side, one other side, if they are trying to push men's issues, maybe their data can be just as manipulated. And the methodology for these studies can be just as poor as the other side that was used to, you know, to to change the school system, to really cater to girls at the expense of boys. So I don't want the pendulum to swing back and forth wildly. I wanted to fall somewhere in the middle where all children's needs are being considered and tended to. And what's so funny is that in preparation for this episode and looking at this data, looking at this report, I was also searching for, because this is what a critical thinker does, I was looking for what are the problems with this data? What are the criticisms of the way it was collected perhaps, or how it's represented? Because no data and no research is perfect. What I actually found was the criticisms are surrounding the fact that people think this study is misogynistic, it's favoring men, it's putting down women. There's nothing about the data itself. But it was turned into this like so many things these days, this social issue. Instead of paying attention to the fact that this is a highly underrepresented under cared for, under protected group, but because they're boys, nobody seems to give it the importance that it deserves. Exactly. And that's why I think really that's why I want to lay the blame on the people who have framed the narrative and have made it such that you can't speak out otherwise You just get tarnished as misogynistic, etc., etc.. And nowadays we've got a whole bunch of other labels we can throw on you. Colonialist Bob, Like, it's ridiculous. Let's look at these this portion of the population. We said it before. If boys struggle, girls are going to struggle to if absolutely alter women and society falters. And as I said before, it goes both ways. If there was a crisis with women, we would be talking about the same thing. And we would say that if, you know, if we're not if we're not, you know, tending to these problems, then everyone's going to suffer. But it just seems different when it's males anyway. And so, yeah, so I I'll stop the rant there. So here's an actual question again. Funny enough, I was planning to speak with you about this, like, privately. But while we're talking about it, you know, why not do it on our podcast? So as you know, we have the scholarship with the clinics for individuals who are entering the field of psychology who are visually impaired. This is obviously very important to me because I'm visually impaired and I work in the field of psychology. Representation is important. Getting some sort of assistance can be very difficult when you're dealing with these challenges, blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth. I don't need to plug the scholarship, but in looking at the challenges that are actually out there and in looking at these numbers and recognizing even in our profession, we did a whole episode about the under-representation of men in our profession. What do you think would happen if I create a similar scholarship for boys that are in need of additional help? They are underrepresented. They are now marginalized. How do you think that would be received? And I'm serious that I think this is something that could be important and helpful to boys. I think it would be really important. And I think that, like, I'm glad you're putting me on the spot here, but I'll tell you, I'll be honest. We've talked before about this. Males are underrepresented in the field of psychology, in psychotherapy, whether it's the teaching or whether it's the, you know, even worse, the clinical application. And so I think it would you get a lot of blowback, but I think it would it would be good to raise the issue. And I would be right beside you saying, show me one reason this is a bad thing. And if we talk about parity and equity, then why is it if we have I think like about 80% of the field being female, why can we not have males? And, you know, you and I did the podcast before about the American Psychological Association, how they failed males by this ridiculous paper or what was it the the manual on how to work with boys and men? Right. It was just garbage. It's just laughable. So, you know, that's their idea. That's that's how they're trying to address the issue. So I think that you saying, no, no, we need to put more males into the field to, you know, to to recognize and to see that, you know, that putting, you know, taking a feminist lens to to male problems is absolutely wrong, is very harmful. And both you and I have heard from so many clients and patients of what happened, whether it was individual therapy, whether it's family therapy, whether it was couples therapy, where, again, a female perspective was imposed on a male or a male based problem, and the male was made to feel ashamed that so on. And so why they change their functioning. So anyway, I think it would be an amazing idea. I stand by it. I would stand by it. Sorry. And I think that if it got the conversation going, I know you're not doing it for that reason. You're doing it simply because it's an underserved population and we need more males in the field. I think it would be incredible. I think you should do it. And I think there'll be a lot of blowback. And I welcome the blowback because I write because I want to open the conversation. So, yeah, I hope that you will do it and yes, and see and see if someone tries to make some kind of challenge saying that somehow it's discriminatory. That's why I'm going to love to see if they say it's discriminatory, whereas all these other practices that favor everybody else, that's not discriminatory somehow show me how they make make it makes it. Exactly. Yeah. And absolutely. I certainly am doing it for the right reasons as far as it is underrepresented population in our field. And especially, you know, this data is true that we're sharing today. Men and boys are in need of mental health assistance because of all of these things going on. And yes, as a female therapist, absolutely, I'm equipped to help males. But there is something to a male seeking help from another male, and that's just not as widely available as perhaps it should be. Right. And you know, again, I've said this before, I'm going to say it again. We also have, you know, many of the males in psychology Today. The younger males in Psychology Today are not, they say traditional males. They don't live by and they don't even see or espouse those male values. So it's again, it's a more feminized like you say, it's not feminine females feminized, you know, way of living and thinking and and, you know, I guess counts counseling or being a therapist, you know, then other males would be be showing. So I think that it's really important to again show people what healthy masculinity is not toxic but healthy. And part of healthy is traditional. Traditional masculinity in most ways is good. In some ways it borders on toxic. But as we've talked about before, some of the most, let's say, desirable female qualities or, you know, or, you know, feminine qualities, I should say, you know, that that we we hold as a virtue, push them a little bit and then they become problematic. So it's very we shouldn't be just negating the entire masculine side. That's fine. But let's show how to harness it and how to use it in a healthy way. So I want to bring a more healthy, masculine slash male perspective to the field. And I think that would be amazing if you did that. And you know, maybe more centers, more clinics, maybe more schools might adopt that where they might say, yes, there is a crisis. And again, I'll say one more time. For many years there's been this push of having 50/50 like in the STEM field. Well, why is it that in the mental health field when it's 80, 20 or 7030, like it's, you know, depending on where you're looking at, why is that not being addressed? Why isn't it being made to be 5050? Yeah. So speaking of mental health, these are the stats that this report shows. And again, quite startling and concerning. So for every one girl age 15 to 19 who dies by suicide, 3.5 boys take their own lives. That is quite the difference. One in three young men report feeling lonely, either often or always, and boys and young men are significantly less likely to seek help from mental health professionals and for mental health issues, despite the growing rate of depression and anxiety. So to the point that we were just making, there are real numbers that support the fact that there is a significant need out there for for representation. Right. This word is applicable in this scenario as well. Yeah. And anyone who's hearing us talk right now, look at some of our podcast, look at some of our guests, look at what we've been saying. We're not just jumping on some bandwagon. We have been promoting this from the beginning where we want to help, you know, 49 point something percent of the population. So these numbers and if someone says, well, again, some of the disgusting things they see, well, boo hoo or it's their fault or right, that's like it's not about fault, it's about trying to help. And if we took the same attitude to females or to un certain groups, you would be rightfully pilloried. So, so let's not do that with males. Why is there such a hate on why we know why there is, but you know, like. Right. So let's try to reset. And once again, it's so important to say it's not a zero sum game. Addressing these issues in no way takes away from the, you know, the problems that females face. But those problems are being addressed perfectly. Know does a lot of work need to be done? Yes. Yes. Again, we've been recognizing these issues, whether it's in school, whether it's in university, whether it's in work or whether it's in, you know, in the mental health field of the personal lives. We've been addressing it far more with females and which is good. You know, it's important, but being neglected. Yeah. So in our last episode, talking about that show, adolescents, we spoke with the find the family dynamics, the relationship with the father and the role that that played. So some of these stats discuss that in particular. So with regard to let's see here. So family breakdown and fatherlessness are also significantly impacting boys. And again, this isn't to say that girls and females require strong family dynamics and family situations, but since we're talking about boys, these are the stats surrounding that. So one in five children in the UK, so around 2.5 million grow up without a father in the household. Among young offenders in the UK who are in custody, 76% of them come from fatherless homes. And for some reason, this next one really was startling to me. So the study found that boys are more likely to have a smartphone than to live with their father. Think that one really got me. And I understand everyone has a phone these days, but the fact that that many people I think we can, you know, perhaps make an inference there that then therefore probably being more influenced by what they're seeing online than from a father figure that obviously is very problematic. for sure. Yeah. I mean, to me, that's that's not surprising. If I just think about how many young people have phones and everything but the inference that you just drawn is very concerning. And that's why I think it was in the adolescence. I think I said it and I may have said it in this podcast, the lack if there's not a male presence in the home, the lack of healthy male role models in the schools. Right. That's that's really you know, that's is part of the problem. should teachers be the kids parents? No, but I've worked with so many people who, you know, who came from horrible homes, whether a single parent or, you know, two parent homes. And they had that one teacher or coach or neighbor, somebody who made them not feel like a piece of crap, who made them feel like, actually you're someone important. You know that you don't deserve to be neglected. There is something I see in you and you know that child internalized it. So they are sure they have problems as they grew up because of, you know, the other environmental factors. But that one that was such a protective factor. We talked about that in adolescence, but protective factors and having at least one healthy male role. So any role model that believes in you is so important. And children really are lacking that in adolescence especially are lacking that what males I should say, and yes, you're right, they are finding it online and it's not like they're being told by that person, you are special. You already know what they're telling them is, you know, you are a victim, the world is against you. And that the adolescent show kept talking about this 80 to 80% of the females were going after 20, 20% of the guys. And, you know, you're not in that 20% category, so you're going to never find somebody. And by the way, just anecdotally, I have a lot of patients who say, is it more like 90 or 99, like 90 or 99% of the women are going after 1 to 10% of the guys. And I hear a lot of women saying it feels the opposite. Go or know all the guys are going after this tiny, you know, proportion of women. So I'm not saying it's easy. It's easier for any sex, but I'm just saying that these boys who are coming to these to these resources online, they are being fed that victim narrative. And you and I have talked so many times about how unhealthy the victim narrative is. And it's not just that you're a victim, it's you're a victim. And here's what you can do about it. And it's not hey, work on your social skills, do this, do that, you know, work out. You have a good diet. No, it's I mean, sometimes it is, by the way. And that's why I advocate because some of the message is about, you know, self-respect and, you know, working out and doing all these things, get a job and so on. So, you know, so there's that unfortunate sprinkle. It's not. All. Bad. That's real bad, right? And that's what people point to. But there's a lot of bad as well. But again, it's a healthy role model that's locking down that All is saying is, yeah, these you know, these women, they'll ridicule you. They're terrible whatever. So you don't need them, you know. And and the same thing a lot of women we've talked about this before, a lot of girls and women are hearing the same thing about guys. You don't need them, you know, like your whatever is. Good woman, you don't need no man. So on and so forth. Right? So, yeah, so there's lots of unhealthy resources out there and lots of unhealthy role. So they are role models but models out there. So speaking of all of that, the next set of stats that I want to share here are surrounding exactly that. So online usage, pornography exposure, there's some startling numbers surrounding that as well. So this report found that the average age of boys first viewing pornography is 13, with 25% exposed by the age of 11. And I think we actually did speak about this before in one of our previous episodes that, yeah, 13 actually seems kind of old. Unfortunately, it is probably more like ten or 11. And with that unrestricted access to the Internet that we've spoken about before, I wouldn't be surprised if many boys are seeing things like that much sooner and again, problematic for obvious reasons, but also because they don't have the cognitive or emotional capacity to process. You know, such such images and such videos. And they don't understand what it is that they're seeing. And in turn, with repeated exposure, it's going to cause a very problematic view of sex and healthy sex. So obviously very problematic. If I can say that. I mean, the stats are quite clear because of that exposure. You know, male males, boys, adolescents have about as much anxiety, fear, shame and everything about sex as girls traditionally have had in women. Because if you look at all the studies previously, it was always very different. Now was it, you know, was it just self-report differences where people, you know, as males not supposed to think that way? I don't know. But I do. But like, I don't know how much of it is legitimate versus how much is a self-report issue. But I will say, based on everything that I have seen over the many years of teaching about this and having worked with, you know, so many patients in this regard, I would say that, yes, being exposed to all this imagery at such a young age and then the expectations being put on them, the fact that they they know that so many of their female counterparts have seen the porn as well. So now they're thinking the bar is raised so high. No, I don't look like that guy. I can't perform like that guy. And, you know, and and they're believing that all these young women and girls have had so much sex before them. It's so intimidating that truly males it's you know, as I said in the previous episode, maybe this one that people are having sex later in life, sexual intercourse. And so the later that is and if you believe that everyone else is having it, the more terrifying it is, the more intimidating. And like I said, it's just it's leading to a truly unhealthy relationship with sex for so many young people. And I would say, again, it's like I said, when boys have reached parity or equity in that regard, that's not a great metric, you know, ending your anxiety shame, right? So obviously, I don't want girls or women to have that that fear, anxiety or shame as well. But, you know, of course not. But the fact is it really is like it's just permeating and far more people are feeling that way, and especially the boys, because there's more pressure on them. It's becoming less. It's more that there's a lot of pressure on the girls as well to act in certain ways. And, you know, Tab, I took out in the old days and that's a shift that's happened over the last couple of decades where previously girls, you know, they had a whole bunch of, you know, partners. They would always minimize it. Now there are more and more girls and women who are, you know, exaggerating their kill count because that's what they're being told. That's the social influence. And and when the social influence is coming, not just from peers, but from these wide source of unhealthy, you know, influencers, then you know, what can we expect? But what we're seeing. And it's so confusing because I don't think and I certainly don't know, I don't have any real data to support what I'm about to say, but I don't think women are getting that advice. Let's call it from men. I don't think that men do or have historically found that attractive to have that high kill count. So I don't know if it's born out of this toxic femininity where, you know, you're free and independent and can do whatever you want and so on and so forth. And then in turn, I'm sorry about your disrespecting your body and yourself. I don't know where that messaging comes from other than from other women. It is from other women. And all the research again, I've talked about this for so many years. The research is clear that the double standard, the unhealthy messaging, it does come from other females. People don't like to say it, but it does Now when it comes to pornography, are the are the mass the vast majority of the producers of the pornography, you know, are they male? Yes. Okay. So I'm not denying that part. But as far even peer to peer, let's say, influences, it truly is that females hold the more toxic views toward other females. The research is undeniable. Yeah. So speaking of Andrew Tate, one of the stats here is that figures like Andrew Tate were among the most searched people online globally in 2023. And the report suggests that this highlights a massive influence of online misogyny on impressionable boys. I think that comment or that piece of data is a little bit loaded because, like we said, there are, I guess, some positive things that come from some of these influencers as far as promoting self-respect and taking care of your health and being the best that you can. But unfortunately, young boys who aren't emotionally cognitively equipped to kind of PASSO, which is the good stuff, which is the not so good stuff, are kind of taking it all in. So unfortunately there's a big, big reach that people like Andrew Tate have and it's I think causing more negative than positive. And once again, when there's a lack of a male figure in the house, right. Easy for a boy to dismiss as mother that you don't know what you're talking about. Right. So and unfortunately, there's a lot of I'd say a lot of unhealthy male influence as well in the sense of as we've talked about, if you're not engaged if you're not leading by example, if you're not showing you know, if you're if you're a male, you're not showing what it means to be a strong, good man. Well, that's easy for the kid to go to to these other sources. So, yeah, it's it is a crisis, you know, And, you know, we don't ring the alarm bell hyperbolically unnecessarily. We know we are seeing this both directly in our clinical practice and in our review of, you know, of the different media out there and data. And the research is clear. And not to beat a dead horse, but really just to emphasize what you just said and what we've been saying all along here is that the data from this report supports the fact that fatherlessness is the problem. Lack of male role models is a problem like teachers. As you mentioned, we've spoken about the lack of males in the mental health field. So, yes, unfortunately, if boys don't have strong level headed male role models to turn to, unfortunately this is what they're turning to because that's what's available to them. Right. And I will say one more thing. I mean, I don't I'm not trying to weave gender ideology into this, but and it's not just the more recent gender ideology. The fact is for many years that feminists and I'm not crapping on the good feminists because I think that the good feminists have done a lot of good for society. They've brought women up. They've raised issues that were being neglected by, you know, by a lot of males. So I think they've done a lot of good, but they've also done a lot of bad. And one of the things is as much as the gender ideology today is confusing children about you can be a boy or if you're you know, you were born a boy, you can change to be a girl and this and that. And it's a spectrum and all this other crap. The fact is this was being taught decades before where they were trying to claim, you know, and this is more on the radical side by trying to claim there are no sex differences. You know, males and females are essentially the same. Gender is a you know, the sexes are a construct. Gender is a social construct. No women can do everything that men can do. Women have the same interests and abilities and so on. And, you know, and if you like, they've they've been, you know, promulgating that message, you know, since at least the sixties very powerfully. And once again, good intentions executed poorly or sometimes bad intentions, because some of the people who were at the helm really did have toxic ideologies and they really were pushing for it because of their own, let's say, self-interest or just because of their own lived experiences. And they thought is the right way. And so that they, you know, they were not accepted or they were castigated or ostracized and so on. So they want to say, no, no, this is my turn. And I'm going to you know, they're basically trying to trying to make the world accept them and not just accept them as, hey, accept as a human being, but rather accept them as my beliefs. Trump all. And you have to listen to me. So there are some people like that and others who just had good intentions, but everything got messed up and everything like that. And I'm just saying that the these gender conflicts of gender, these issues with, you know, what is healthy, what is desirable, you know, what should people aspire to and so on. It's been going on for many, many years. And again, the fact when they were trying to pretend that males and females are there's no difference. It's all a social construct, right? This is part of the problem. And I am not for anyone who knows I come from such a nontraditional family that I am not trying to impose a, you know, a patriarchal structure or women should know their place. I'm not. What I'm saying is we really need to step back and we need to look at the messaging that is being promoted for all these years and say, why have we either bought into it or why have we accepted so much of it as you know, fact, as opposed to it's a theory or it's an ideology or it's an agenda, and maybe we should really look into it and see whether it's doing more harm than good. And that's not happening enough. Well, because here's the actual fact is, at this period of time for kids is so confusing from an identity perspective, period. So gender ideology aside, it is such a confusing time where kids are trying to figure out who they are. So now add in all of these other messages that they're receiving, whether it's from school, whether it's online, whether it's from Andrew Tate or whoever, these kids are incredibly confused and don't know what to make of who they are and who they want to be over. Sure. And it's being imposed on them from a younger and younger age. And partly it's the school system and partly it's because of having access to social media. And as you said many times. Right. They're just not cognitively or, you know, intellectually or emotionally equipped to deal with this or interpersonally. And they're just role playing, their role playing these things using words and terms and beliefs that they just don't know how to handle. Yeah. So the last area of the report that I want to discuss here is surrounding health and general well-being. So one of the stats that they share here is that boys are now more likely to be obese than girls by the age of 11. And there has been a market rise in body dysmorphia as well as eating disorders among adolescent boys. And these are conditions that once were thought to primarily affect girls. I know specifically in the nineties there's some significant challenges surrounding eating disorders and body dysmorphia, and I know it was blamed predominantly on the uprise of magazines like 17 and women and airbrushing and all of that stuff. And I think for the last several decades it probably was mainly isolated to, you know, isolated too, but focused upon women even with social media and girls going through puberty and seeing these images of filtered women and so on and so forth. But now this is being put on on boys as well. And I imagine and I don't know the answer. Perhaps you can fill in the blanks here, but I imagine that there is some cognitive difference between the way that boys and girls are interpreting these things. But there seems to be some some intersection that's happening now as well in the way that they're being impacted by these images, because I don't think that they're the same things that boys are seeing than girls are seeing that are influencing these problems. Well, yeah, I mean, they're seeing different images, but I think the messaging is the same. This is not only an ideal to aspire to, but if you don't have it, you are deficient, you are less than your other, you are not going to be included and so that's what's really being seen. And for boys, yeah, the body dysmorphia used to be about 90% were females and it was interesting study that or studies where the majority, the vast majority of males who had body image issues and eating disorders were either gay or bisexual. That was just it was a stat. Okay, so that 10% was predominantly, you know, or there was a far higher percentage of, again, gay and bisexual boys and men in that, you know, in that. And that's because, you know, socially there was more emphasis on having these certain, you know, the certain body type and, you know, but that that that need to have that body type has spread to, you know, to the broader male population. So, yes, for sure. And and again and I, I talked about this a year ago, and I was teaching about it as well. So looking at the data and they showed that, yes, it was that in in these different countries, these different societies where once these magazines at the time were just magazines, when they were introduced, they looked at the timelines and sure enough, body image issues and eating disorders among young girls was skyrocketed with the introduction of that. So again, it's the social influences, the social contagion. We cannot deny that. And females just happened to be whether it's neurological or whether it's, you know, sociological or agricultural, which is both. But the girls seem to be more susceptible to this and the pressures put on them. But now it seems to be affecting boys, you know, quite a lot. And look, we're social animals, right? Boys and girls, men, women want to fit in, want to be a part of something or some, you know, some group, some identity. And when so much of that fitting in is based on your appearance, when your value is, you know, ascribed to you based on that appearance and again, your boys are being told you got to look like these jacked monster guys do everything and they know no matter how hard they try, they just can't get their cake or they're going to have to take supplements or testosterone or you know, or steroids. It's just it's can seem so daunting and overwhelming. And so a lot of the boys, they'll just check out and they'll identify with this other group, which is these guys who have nothing going on for them. They're online. They're either trolling or they're playing video games or they're doing something that has no meaning and purpose. Right. Because it's the easier way because they want to belong. So I can either belong to these guys who are, you know, who are really killing it and they're successful and they get all the girls attract them and they're making the money and everything. Or I can identify with this group that's not doing so well, but at least I'm part of this group, right? And the bar is so low that I feel comfortable. So this is something that we really have to, you know, to look at. And, you know, again, it's not exclusive to boys and men, as always. We're not saying that non-zero-sum game, but it is something that's becoming more and more prevalent. And yes, the mental health crisis we talked before, you know, the number one metric of doing badly, I would say, is suicide, not attempts, but completions. And I said that in a previous episode. You mentioned 3.5, you know, every one and if you look at the different age groups, men always outnumber or males outnumber females up to, you know, maybe even four times as much. So again, that's that's a pretty stark, you know, and bleak metric. Yeah. And back to what you were saying about the, you know, boys being exposed to content of fitness influencers. I think these fitness influencers are very problematic because on the face of it, it's it's great messaging, great take care of your body, work out. But I think a lot of them are purporting to be like all natural and they don't use steroids and drugs and things such as that. But the reality is they actually are. But then the confusing messaging therefore is okay, well, I'm doing what this person said, but I don't look like them. And that's incredibly discouraging, frustrating, demoralizing and so on. Back to that stat about boys trumping women in terms of obesity or girls in terms of obesity, I think there's probably some element of boys not engaging in organized sports anymore as well. I'm just inferring that it doesn't say it there, but I'm sure that that has a big part to do with it, because we also know that boys aren't engaging in physical activity the same way that they were in the past because of their consumption of social media and gaming and all of these things. So it's interesting how it all ties together. Yeah, I mean, it's yeah, it's unfortunately, it's inextricably interwoven. And there are so many factors and it can seem to people in charge an impossible task to try to tackle. But you know, we're not trying to fix all the problems. Let's look at some of them. And we always say, you know, no, we want to always end off with, you know, what can you do about it? Well, okay, You know, two parents we've been talking about throughout this this podcast and the adolescence one which is be more involved. Don't throw your hands up. Don't think, you know, I can't fight Andrew Tate or, you know, the social media or anything like that. You know, just get closer to your child, see what's going on, go with an open mind, don't lecture, listen, you know, and try to build on helping them trust. You. And if you are a mother and there isn't a healthy male in the in the son's life, I mean, I'm not sure what to say about that other than trying to find, you know, and don't impose your own beliefs. Well, this is the right mail. Find out what your son's interested in and try to find somebody who is more aligned with that, whether it's a coach or someone else. Don't force it on them. Try to sort of slowly integrate it into the child's life. And because they're not going to want to give up what they feel comfortable with if they've been listening to this all. So long and they've been indoctrinated by it, suddenly just abandoning it, that's too much. So we have to find a way to slowly wean them off of that, you know, slowly and try to, you know, shift them toward more healthy aspirations. And again, as parents, that's our damn job. We want to raise them so that they can become fully functioning adults at some point. Yeah. And as you know, I'm writing a book about parenting and I'm writing basically strategies that can help to overcome all of these things. And certainly it's not the be all and end all and fix all, but there's some pretty basic things that parents could be doing, should be doing and aren't doing that I think touch on a lot of these problems, one of them being, you know, unconditional love, ensuring that your kid has that time with you, where they know that their love, no matter what they look like, what they engage in, how they perform, and so on and so forth, I think that's got to be at the forefront of any of the strategies that we're implement in starting from a young age. I think I mentioned in the last episode having regular consistent time with your kid where you're doing something enjoyable together, where you're engaging in an activity together, where you can both have fun and develop some sort of skill and mastery. And that also then provides built in time together to talk about, you know, whether it's talk about the activity or talking about what's going on at school, a kid having that knowledge that there's always that space to come back to, to, to talk and communicate and explore things is incredibly important. You mentioned earlier setting a good example. I think this is one of the biggest things specifically surrounding social media usage and consumption is the example that we're setting for our kids is probably the biggest piece of it. I would say I've lost count of how many clients of mine have come in to the office and said, like, I can't get off my phone. And this is adults. They feel like they are truly addicted to their phones. So the reality is we're talking about kids, but they're seeing it at home. And it's it's happening at an alarming rate with their parents as well. So ensuring that you're measuring your own social media usage, phone usage and so on and so forth. So I think these are three big things. And of course there's lots of other things that parents can do. But I think that in terms of the lower hanging fruit, those are some of the items. And, you know, it's let me give an analogy. A parent who smokes and tells a kid, don't smoke, how effective do you think you're going to be? The research is very clear. They follow what they see, not what they hear. So so parents should I mean, I do this with my kids. We try to have like no devices at dinner or at least but we have dinner all the time together, you know, And so and one of us breaks. It's not always them. It's me, too, sometimes, or on my laptops. I do this work while eating no bad practice. So, you know, but I admit it. I don't say, well, I can do it. You can't, right? And I tell them that I say yes. And I am a psychologist and I have a hard time putting down the devices and everything. So if I'm having a hard time, I assume you are too. So you can't judge from above if you know, like you have to admit, parents have to admit to the kids. Yes. You know, we I've been captured by it as well, and I'm trying really hard now. Some kids, you know, kids will try to say, well, you're being a hypocrite, but you're not being hypocrite if you're acknowledging I have a problem. So we seem to all work on these problems. So I think it's really important for parents to be non defensive in that regard. And once again, the Andrew Tate of today was a page says the Beatles or Elvis of the fifties now or sixties. Now it's different, different messaging and everything. But what I'm saying is for kids it's the same idea. Simply you're out of touch, You have no clue. You don't know what you're talking about. You know, you're watching CNN, you know, and taking that fake news. And so I think that kids have lots of ways to dismiss anything that you're trying to say. So acknowledge, recognize that, recognize that you're not coming as a credible source in many cases or as an authority figure, which that's part of your fault. If you're not seen as the authority figure. Right. You should always be seen as the authority figure. You may not be a the authority on these facts, you know, on Andrew Tate and so on. But you should be the authority figure. And too many parents are not taking that role. And again, they're just saying, well, what can I do, you know, because of all the anxieties out there? And I want to add something there. I don't think that there's anything wrong with parents saying, fine, maybe, I don't know can help me understand it. So I think that that's a really important opening of the door of communication and understanding their world, because, yeah, the reality is we don't get it right. We're from a different generation, a different time, a different stage of life, developmentally different. I acknowledge. I don't get it, so help me understand. Exactly. Yeah. And that's really important. And again, you come in with the open mind. I was going to say something about that. I know that in adolescence, hate to bring that back again, but one of the big breakthroughs was where the police officer's son is saying, you're approaching all wrong because, you know, the adults didn't understand the codes and the like. You know, the saying that they were using and didn't recognize what was going on. So, yeah, parents have to recognize that we are out of touch. I was going to say something about that, but I've lost it. But I do think it's really important to come there with a bit of humility. But also, you know, you're still the authority figure, but you. Right, you want to learn more from them, take an interest. And, you know, a lot of kids will just roll their eyes, you don't get it. You won't get to whatever you know what is going to say. Choose your words carefully. Okay? You don't have to say that you like it. You can even say, look, I don't like this type of music or I don't really agree with whatever. Okay? But I'm learning too, and using words like come to terms with it. Okay. Or I want to learn more about it. Just just make sure that the kid doesn't know or doesn't look like that. You're just be asking them right to use the proper words. Okay. You know, and so and if you go all in so so hard never thought that well that's going to look ridiculous and be not be so believable. You're going in there tentatively. And again, be honest, you might say, look, you know, I've heard a lot of bad things about, let's say, Andrew Tate. You're just going to keep using that same example, right? I've heard about that, you know, and I know there's more than one side of the story and like, just, you know, do that and go on. I know if you just go on to one of the free many free AI services, you can ask what kind of phrases can I use or what are my you know, give us specifics because it'll scour the Internet and it'll find the right language, try to use that language in a way that seems natural. If you try to use their language completely, you're gonna look like a fool. But right, right, right. Recognize the kind of words they can use and so on, you know, and try to, you know, use that kind of stuff and just say, I want to learn more. I understand. Like I said, you know, yet you say you don't you try to balance honesty and genuineness with strategy and, figure out the best way to approach it and know that you're probably going to be rebuffed a number of times. You're going to be ridiculed and everything like that. But as a parent, if you just throw up your hands and give up, you're failing as a parent. You have to come back. You have to be resilient. You have to go and just try your damnedest. And if you don't believe me, you go, you're fine going to you to find the video. There's so many videos like this one video of this cat and a wild cat or an abandoned cat is brought in and the mother or this mother cat goes to it and the cat's whacking away at it. And the mother just sits there and just calmly, slowly, slowly, sorry, know going. It's I'm sorry. It's not that. It's not even mother's kittens. It's a it's a female cats or a gorgeous kitten and it slowly just endures and endures, endures. And then eventually they're sort of sitting beside each other. So on. Right. Think of it that way. That'll be your metaphor. Okay, That. That's okay. Eventually. And speaking about side by side, we've talked about this in another podcast. One of the best time to have these discussions is if if you're driving, if you're in the car because you're not looking at each other, you're looking it just feels a bit more comfortable and just, you know. Especially with boys. Right? Exactly. Yeah. Especially with boys. Right. Having that conversation just kind of look and expect to get a lot of. Yeah. Yep. I don't know. Fine. Good. Okay. Okay. But once again, quack, quack, quack, quack. You keep coming back and you try to, you know, eventually get them to open up. You don't push it too hard and you can make some kind of progress. Yeah, and I do want to highlight that there is data that supports the fact that, like men, fishing men playing sports. Is not. Sitting side by side and not looking face to face, tend to communicate more effectively. And admittedly, this was not on purpose. It was by accident. But I always talk about this like 30 minutes of special time with your kids. So what mine is with my son is since he was four, he's 13 now. He doesn't need me to walk home from school with him anymore. But on Fridays, because I'm off on Fridays, we've always walked home from school together. Now I meet him halfway because, you know, he doesn't want his mom meeting him at school. I get it. But I've asked her multiple times, You're like, Do you still want to do this? He's like, Yeah, why wouldn't I? So my point is, is that we are walking side by side. The amount of things that I have learned in that 25 minute walk every Friday is priceless because we have that built in time. It's unconditional. I've been I had a sprained ankle and we still did our Friday walk together because that's just what we do and how we've done it. And I think now that I know this data surrounding the side by side talk with males, I think that probably played a big role in how much we've been able to connect during that time. All right, Excellent. And you know, and that's so it's there's that consistency, there's that routine that some of these come to become familiar with. So, you know, and trying to have that, as you say, having these these ways to do that with your kids. And, you know, we're talking we started off talking about boys, but it's also you know, it can be for girls as well. Of course. It's in general. For kids. Yeah. So and one thing I said, I know in previous podcasts, I think it's so important, the most important goal of all human functioning, including all species, is is to learn to control or master our environment. That sense of mastery. And we've talked about this, you know, in the Adolescents podcast and, you know, this idea that so many boys don't have the sense of mastery, the mastery is trolling. The mastery is, you know, being great at this video game or something like that. But they don't have that sense of mastery or even competence when it comes to interpersonal functioning. So, you know, for the parent to get to really try to find a way to help them just feel, you know, not in control of the world, we're not in control. I can do a whole rant on that theme of why so many people are protesting and doing this, this and that, because it gives them an illusion of I am somehow shaken up. Forget that. Helping your kid find, you know, one thing where they go, you know, what a healthy thing, a healthy adaptive thing. Or it's like, you know, I kind of feel confident with this. Start with that. Because again, it's also the lens of control, healthy control. And that's what they're trying to find. And if you get that healthy control, you know, again, you build on that and you sort of it grows and grows. And if you can master this, you know, I can do other things as well. So, you know, and and as we've said, many times, if the parents are helping them again, if the parents provide the structure, the consistency, the guidance, the child will eventually internalize that. And that gives that internal sense of control and regulation. And, you know, and that kind of self-regulation gives you the ability then to, you know, to let's say, to persist, to not just seek out the quick, you know, hedonistic fix, but rather to persist and to delay gratification and to try to build on, again, on some small successes and bigger and bigger and bigger. And again, too many boys are not getting that third skin, that immediate, you know, dopamine surge because they're playing the video game or they're, you know, or they're trolling or they're doing something like that, or they're just watching video after video of whether it's porn or, you know, whatever else. Right. So anyway, internal control, external control, like, you know, this is the lens through to see it through. Absolutely. Yeah. So my hope is that our listeners are able to understand and absorb these numbers. They're scary, but there are lots of things that we can do. We as a society, we as individuals to better support boys. And in the future men. Just through all of the things that we've spoken about in this episode. So let us know in the comments what you think about some of these strategies that we've suggested. I also specifically, I'm curious what our listeners think about my scholarship idea, so feel free to comment upon that as well. And on that note, until next time, keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.