everyone's watching the same incident one screen, but people are seeing two very different movies. And so you're either all good or all bad. You're on my team or not. For most people, that's terrifying. So they just shut up. Hello and welcome to awake at the wheel. So in today's episode, we're going to explore some of the concerns that people are having across society and that I hear about often in therapy sessions about the world being on fire. This constitutes things that are happening in the US that are happening abroad, that are even happening in Canada. And there's a lot of concern surrounding the, the way that things are approached. And I will preface this entire conversation with the fact that I tend to take my own advice and what I mean by that is, I often tell clients to stay away from the news that can often lead to, you know, being ignorant of the the breadth of what's happening out there. But also sometimes it's not terribly helpful to know everything that's going on out there. So I say that because I tend to not watch a lot of the news, I tend to not be too up on the details of what's going on, but nonetheless, or, and has a lot of knowledge about what is happening. And I think that we can still have a constructive, productive conversation by looking at these things from a psychological perspective and the ways in which it's impacting people and why. Right. So yeah, we're not going to pick a bunch of hotspots around the world and give our analysis on it. We're talking more about, the way that people are psychologically and interpersonally or socially approaching it. And I think the best way to sort of, frame it is the master of framing, Scott Adams of Dilbert fame, who recently passed away. AI said that he's the one, to whom this phrase is credited. He's the first person I heard say it many years ago. And I repeat it, which is, is the phenomenon of two movies playing on one screen. So basically and that's, that's being a recent incident, that has caused this. So for example, there was that, shooting of, Renee Goode in Minneapolis, a little while ago. When people watch this, podcast and, everybody saw the same video of her trying to drive away with a, a law enforcement agent in front of her. And yet some people saw that it was, that he just assassinated her in cold blood, and others said she was trying to run him over, and he saved his life. so basically everyone's watching the same incident one screen, but people are seeing two very different movies. And the movie that people see is based not on objective reality and basically not even on their own personal opinion, necessarily, but rather what team quote unquote, they feel they belong to. And that's what's so destructive, is that we're losing nuance. We're not able to say, for example, that and I mean, obviously some people can or hearing very few people who say, you know what? This woman, she put herself in this position she intended to disrupt, a process, whatever she thought about or she was breaking the law. Okay. So she should not have been there and she definitely shouldn't have driven away. And her wife should not have said, drive, baby, drive. Okay, that puts her in harm's way. But at the same time, we should be able to see that maybe the officer who shot her, you know, maybe acted, you know, inappropriately or with, with undue force, or maybe it was justified. But let's look at the facts, not just based on how we feel about it. Let's look at the actual facts and those facts, even though we all think we're seeing it. You know, the reality is we you know, when I saw what I saw people saying, look, her wheels were turned away from him. And I was like, he doesn't see those wheels. All he sees with this woman right in front of him coming out is, you know, in his car. And the fact that, you know, six months earlier he had been hit, dragged and, suffered serious injuries in a similar situation and everything. And then others say, well, why was he standing in front of the car? That's bad training. And then, you know, themselves, they're being trained poorly. And there are so many factors going on, and I just don't hear enough people trying to incorporate and integrate them all together to say that A, B, C, and D are all true. It's either A and B have to be true, or C and D have to be true. You can't have them all. And that's what I think is just sowing further division within society. Yeah. And to take it back to what you were saying about people, of the public watching the video, watching the same video and interpreting it completely different. I'm reminded of one of the most basic psychological principles, which is perspective, the way that we view something is so heavily based on our own personal perspective. Like you said, our experiences, our values. Now it seems to be influenced more by you know, what side you're on. But I'm reminded of like the psychology 101 exercise of we're looking at the, I think the oldest one is the old lady. And like the pointy nose man, where depending on like which way you look at it and depending on your perspective, it's the same picture, but you see something completely different. I think that that really applies here at a base level. But what's interesting is when we're looking at a photo like that, I don't necessarily think that our personal values, would tie in to that. So again, I think that there's a very basic, mechanism taking place here when people are seeing what they want to see, but it's layered in with these messages from society and what side you belong to. And when you bring up values, and this is what is so important. I've been talking about this for many, many years. The fact is, people are not feeling that if you if you disagree with my perspective, okay, instead of saying, okay, we have a different perspective, maybe one of us is right, one of us wrong, maybe we're both right, but we're seeing only parts of the story instead of any of that. Okay, instead of looking at perspective and opinion, so many people today, they feel that you're not attacking my opinion. You're attacking me. You're attacking my values. You're attacking everything I stand for. Okay? And the with this whole, you know, this, this, us versus them mentality, which is another, very powerful psychological phenomenon that it's rarely been this, divisive or divisive. You know, over the years, there have been times, okay, the Vietnam War was one of those times back in the 60s. It's not like this the first time, but the fact is, it's being driven, you know, further, further, further apart. And the problem is that more so, at least in Canada, or at least in Canada and the states and the Western world, okay, in other countries this has been very prominent, which is what has led to so much strife within those countries. But more recently, it's not just that I'm on team A and you're on team B, so many people feel that team B is evil. Okay. That's the difference. It's not just different opinions, it's you are actually evil. Yeah. And I think that that applies to so many of the things that are going on in the world. I think the most recent one is the example you gave of what happened in Minnesota. But I'm thinking about lots and lots of different examples where it is like good versus evil, but each person on each side sees the opposite side as evil and they're good. And it's, it's so problematic for so many reasons. But also it, it all it does is serve to drive people further apart and close them off to seeing any other possible perspective. And obviously that's very, very problematic. Well, and the further and further we're driving people away from each other, the inability to hear the other side, this is really fomenting, this black and white mentality. I think you and I've talked about this a number of times. It's one of the most famous and one of the most destructive, cognitive distortions was all or nothing black and white. And so you're either all good or all bad. You're on my team or not. So it manifests in several different ways. One of which is if you belong to this team, then you have to agree with everything in that team. And if you if you agree with 99 out of 100, but there's one thing you don't agree on, then that team will kick you out. They will ostracize you. They will see you as the other side, which is so irrational. But that's how black and white thinking works. And we're seeing more of that. And let's say, for example, with the whole, with the whole ice, crisis in the States, again, I hear some people talking this way, but I don't hear that many where they say, let's go back a few steps. You don't like Ice agents are here. Well, why are they, you know, flooding the towns with them? Well, because those cities and states in the first place did not cooperate. They had some hard core criminals. They had murderers, rapists. They had so many different bad people and they refused to hold them in custody. They refused to contact the proper authorities to say, hey, we have a, you know, someone an undocumented or illegal, migratory alien, whatever, whatever language you want to use. I'm not doing to be pejorative. I'm just using language. And instead of saying, we have them, please come and get them and let's put them, you know, give them due process. They say, no, we refuse to cooperate, so we're gonna let them on the streets. So you look back and, you know, and when Biden, it's clear I mean there's it's undeniable. If someone denies us, they're literally denying reality that Biden led and millions and millions, maybe tens of millions of people illegally without any vetting. Okay. And so it's impossible to deny what type of risk you're creating when you're heading in. People from around the world, many of whom have bad intentions or, you know, whether it's, whether it's just a scam, social assistance or whether it's to cause some severe damage to society, you can't deny that a certain proportion will be let in, when the floodgates are open. So you look at that, and then the problem is black and white thinking. So it's like, well, send them all back, kick them all back. All immigrants are bad. Immigration is bad, right? It's so divisive and it's hateful and it's just not grounded in reality. It's only grounded a partial reality. You're only looking at part of it. But from that you're saying this is the entire reality. All migrants are bad or no, all migrants are good. Will you have them in your home? No, but like, I mean, it's there's just so much irrationality going on. Yeah. And I guess this is a situation what you're describing, where perhaps my ignorance of what's going on out there is problematic because I'll use myself as an example. You are living in a border city. Going over to the States was like a normal thing that we did when I was a kid every single weekend. So I'm no stranger to going to the US. I haven't gone in a while because I hear all of these things and I'm like, oh, am I? Am I going to be targeted for something? Or I mean, Canadian born and raised, but it's scary hearing all of these stories and hearing all this black and white thinking and catastrophic stories, and assumptions that are being made. I think, like the number of cognitive distortions that exist in here, we could go through, you know, our entire typical list, they're all there. But nonetheless, I hear these things and I avoid going. And that stinks because there probably isn't that much of a risk to the average person. Right. But then the reality is, again, and that would be black. I think it's you. Well, there's no risk. Well, for me as a white man, I'm going to face less risk of being stopped and so on than a brown man or a brown woman. Right. So, you know, again, that's that's where the ignorance comes in. That's a black and white thinking. It's, it's lack of true empathy and we've talked about this before, but I really I think it's worth repeating over and over and over, okay. That empathy, there's different types of empathy. But the empathy that we really are trying to, you know, cultivate in people is the ability to see somebody else's perspective. You may not like it, you may disagree with it, but to at least understand where they're coming from and that is lacking in today's society. It's just, oh, the other people are either evil or stupid, right? As opposed to why do they think that way? Okay. And you know, and what can potentially be done to help them think a different way. Unfortunately, that latter latter question, there's not much of an answer. Okay. But at least trying to understand why the person would feel that way. So yeah, you know, if I have a patient who comes in and they're a total social justice warrior and they have all these, you know, whatever beliefs, I don't challenge them. You know, like, if they bring up and ask my opinion out, they'll tell them my opinion. But I don't try to say no. You have to change those beliefs. I try to understand, okay. What about their experience, whether historically, whether recently? What about the surroundings? The people they're, they speak to and everything. What makes them have those beliefs, those fears, you know, and so on. And that's real empathy. And again, you have to agree with it, doctor. Like it, but really try to understand it. And I think that this encompasses as well the topic of critical thinking, which is kind of the the whole point of this podcast is where critical thinking is, is missing in society. And I think this is a perfect example of it, where people, to a degree, are willfully not allowing themselves to see the other perspective. I don't think it's a matter of they can't, it's that they won't. And that sounds pretty harsh. But I think that as a species, we are quite capable of seeing different perspectives and having an open mind. But there is a large level of culture values and so on that play into that. And I think that right now is a time where that is severely dampening people's willingness to think critically. Well, and you touch upon something that makes it even more difficult for people to think critically. And, well, I mentioned a little while ago is because we're social animals. We want to belong to some group. Okay. You know, our quote unquote tribe, that's just that's it's in our DNA. Hey, we are social animals. So, so many people are afraid. If again, if I agree with 99 out of 100 things, and I see that one thing which I think is innocuous, and suddenly people are looking at me like I'm the other side. For most people, that's terrifying. So they just shut up. They don't want to be ostracized. You know, I have no such issues with that. I speak my mind freely and, and I tell people that if you don't like it, well, you know, you know where the door is. I'm not going to succumb to your pathologies or your neuroses, but. You're also willing to talk about it. That's the difference is that you are firm in your beliefs, and I've known you long enough that you are also very open to a discussion. And I'm open to having my mind changed. Yeah. You know, I yeah, right. But there's one on one or whether it's online and I always say that, I say here, you know, I, I do it a bit brashly. Okay. But I do say here's what I see, here's what I believe, here's where it comes from. Change my mind. You know, like, you know, I'm happy to. And unlike the people who have done those change my mind. Segments on, on on the YouTube where they have no intention of changing their mind. Right. It's not a child. It's a challenge, but it's not a loss. Right? It's a good faith challenge. If I and I have had my opinions changed somewhat. When people tell me things, I mean, this is why, And most people don't do this. We have to be so careful. And years going back to this whole, you know, the division of society, our algorithms will feed us, you know, certain, content. And I always make sure to look at content from as many sides as possible. And sometimes I can't stomach I really, really try. But it's like, oh my gosh, what are you saying? But I want to hear, I want to hear. What other side is saying. Yes. And, you know, and sometimes it's like, yeah. And there are some times I go, wow, I had no idea. Okay. Like I didn't know that. And it helps me help again. Foster critical thinking. So and I too, I think I'm a pretty open minded person. I'm always willing to listen to what people have to say. I people have changed my mind and educated me on topics that I wasn't aware of. So I think I'm very similar in that respect, and I'm trying to think, and I think the the answer's quite obvious in terms of like why some people are like you and I and why others are, you know, more susceptible to following the herd. And I think in part it comes down to perhaps a great deal of self-confidence, and again, values and who you are as a human being, who I am. And the fact that we're, comfortable and confident in who that is. Well, yeah. And I mean, I don't know where yours came from, but I do know that I have two parents who were very, unorthodox. They were heterodox, and they were very clear. I mean, and I mean, my father, he was ostracized from his community, that he loved because he dared speak out about certain things. And until his dying days, he maintained those beliefs. And. But when we can, I would talk because we differed a lot on certain things. He always heard me out. Male. He didn't challenge it. Like, you know. And then he had when I was growing up, he gave me so much literature and material and so on to read. That shaped my views. And, I mean, it really sent me in a different direction than I am now. Okay. But but he was a source of that information. We didn't have the internet back then. So he had these photocopies of all these articles and stuff that, you know, that was underground and the people you wouldn't get, you know, in the news or anywhere else. That's cool. So yeah, it was very cool. And he really opened my eyes to these different ways of seeing things. So, yeah, I mean, that's I know that's where it comes from for me and for my mother. I mean, she most of the most of the norms. And she certainly, certainly was someone who, you know, if you didn't like what she had to say again, you know where the door is. You probably better run because you don't want to rile it up. So those were my models. And you know, I'm fortunate to have that. Yeah. And I would say similarly, my parents were the model for that too. But in very, very different ways. So, my dad, having moved to Canada in the 60s, experienced a lot of racism. And I think in, the context of the 60s and what, you know, advocacy and social justice and things like that looked like nothing like what it is today. I hear stories about how he's had or how he had to stand up for himself. And, combat a lot of opinions and misconceptions that people had about him, hearing the way that he handled these situations, hearing how tough he was and how he stood up to things. I think that that was in part upon me. And then couple that with my mom, who is like the kindest, most empathetic, gentle person. So kind of seeing that juxtaposition of those two types of personalities, I think, helped to model the way that I am and the way that I approach situations. Well, you know, we always, talk about what, you know, people can, you know, what people can do about this. So if I can sort of jump ahead to that, because what you just said there, each of us, you know, we we had certain, ways of thinking, certain ways of acting and everything modeled for us, whether seeing it directly or hearing about it. Okay. And I think I've said this before, but I, I'm going to say it because if parents want to know what they can do, I'm going to tell you one thing that you can do, which, and I've said, this is funny because I've had people where, if you look at their history, they should, you know, sort of predictably turn out one way. But for some reason, the things that are happening to them don't affect them as they would almost everybody else. And in many cases, they had the same. And there's only been a few people I've seen this with. Okay. I mean, but the one story tell but in a number of cases, they basically had the same thing said to them in different ways that I had said to me when I was maybe about 6 or 7, I still remember. And so I tell this to parents all the time. One of the most important things my parents said to me, they sat me and my brother down again. I was maybe 6 or 7 before my sister came along. So, you know, six, seven, okay. And my parents who sat us down, they said, you know, I'm, I'm it might be five, but they said, we don't know what we're doing. Okay, okay. My mom was very young. You know, she was, 21 when she had me. So, she's like. Like, we don't know what we're doing. We're struggling. We're just like, you know, and my father was this crazy artist. And so, you know, and they were upfront with my brother and I and that message from so long ago, it helped inoculate me against what everybody else does, which is if you're a normal child and your parents act in your rational ways, if they say hurtful things, if they do things that are not in your best interest, the 99.99 to the nth degree, child will internalize that there's something wrong. There's something wrong with me. Because parents are gods, you know, you you can't not see them that way. And every almost every child at some stage, maybe ten, maybe 20, maybe 60 years old, realize, oh, no, no, my parents are not perfect, right? And that's a huge shock that they have to go through. Well, I didn't have to go through a shock. My parents from the on the age. From a young age. Exactly. And that's just like like that changed everything in me. So every time they act a certain way, I was like, yep, pretty messed up. Okay. And unfortunately, I've got a big mouth. I would tell them that I would call them out, you know, never to. I should have learned that. Never worked out in my favor. But I would call them out. Humbled every single time, even as a child. So the point is, learning that you have the ability to filter, to interpret what's going on around you, especially in the most important context, which is with your parents in the early days. Parents, I'm telling you right now, say something like that to the kids, okay? About that. You know, we're not perfect. Make it fast. Encourage that conversation, a discussion. Give them self agency. Give them that ability to make those interpretations. And that can translate later on into critical thinking. So that, hey, my favorite news station or podcast whole story, whoever else is saying this. But if my parents aren't gods and are not infallible, you know, why would I think this person would be? And I think the challenge that people will find with that is back to what we were talking about just moments ago, is that I would assume that a lot of parents don't have the confidence in their parenting to, you know, quote unquote, undermine themselves like that. But that is the reality. And it's important for kids to see that for all the reasons that you just mentioned and it's okay for them to know that because it is going to have such a profound impact in their ability to view the world around them. Exactly. And so to view the world around them and to also understand themselves, and so that they aren't. Yeah, they're not internalizing the wrong messages. And by the way, when you say confidence. Exactly. You know, you know, I've talked about this several times, I can say, and I say to my kids, you know, like, I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I apologize for all these things, but at the same time and is a different, totally different discussion. But it's just one thing that I would be remiss if we didn't say it is still hierarchy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Right. So I just want people understand that. Yeah. Okay. We're not. All friends. We're not all equal. You're still the parent. Exactly. I may be flawed. Yeah. And you may be able to challenge certain things, but in the end, you have to understand that hierarchy and which by the way, a little side note. When we look at what's going on in society today, so many of the young people haven't been taught that hierarchy, whether it's parents or through the schools, they learn that they have this power. So then they will do things that, that, you know, a few years ago, you're what the hell are you doing? You're trying to interfere with a police officer arresting someone. You don't even know the story, and you're just going in there, and so. And you think there's gonna be no consequence, which, by the way, those. Aren't the same. Degree. They're. They're often aren't. And just one thing, this little side note, I have to say it, because people are commenting on this, you a lot of the people who are agitating, the ones who are like just getting in the faces of the police officers or Ice or whoever else, so many of them are women. Okay. And these are. Interesting. White women. Okay. And I'm saying this for a reason, okay. These are women who probably had never had any physical adversity. All right. In the sense of guys, we learn pretty quickly. You open up your mouth, you're shut. You know, you say the wrong thing or whatever, you get pounded. Okay? You learn that hierarchy really quickly. We learn it, don't you? You know this. You're saying you don't write a check that you kept your mouth kept or something, right? So, and these women never learned that, so they just don't have. This is not part of the process. So. Okay, I hear you and I'm sorry to, to cut you off, but I'm just thinking, like, I think though, to a degree, women do learn that because like we've talked about before, right? Men, young men show physical aggression, women show social aggression. So I think to a degree, like if we run our mouths as young women, we do learn pretty quickly to shut up. Dude, I'm talking about getting into someone's face physically. Most young women don't do that. This is becoming more common today, far more often. Yeah. That's why into certain segments of society. Okay. They are more inclined to get into physical fights. I'm talking truly about the physical. And I guess we're saying two different things because to me, I'm converting, like learning when to shut up. I'm, attributing that to both a physical altercation and a verbal one. But I guess we're seeing two different things. Ironically, two. Two movies. One screen. Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah. No, I'm talking purely about the physical that when your adrenaline gets pumped up and everything like that. Again, a lot of guys as, young boy children, teens and adults, we were in that situation and it only takes a few times to realize, okay, well, yeah, either I got to be tougher or I got to shut up. Okay. But the women haven't had that physical experience. There's something very different. You're right about you learning to shut up socially. But in that face to face confrontation, because, again, they don't expect to get shoved or punch because. Also how convenient. And this is going to sound off with me to say, but I'm going to say it anyways. I feel that it's awfully convenient and taking advantage of the fact that men learn you don't hit a woman, you don't fight physically back to a woman. And, you know, unfortunately, sometimes it does happen. But for the most part, that's the generally accepted rule. So I almost feel like these women are taking advantage of that knowledge. Or they are, whether it's conscious or otherwise, they certainly are. And that's why they're so surprised. And it's like, again, like it's it's almost comical when you watch that, when you know, they follow, you know, they frown. They found out, okay. So like and you think logically, how could this person not realize that, okay, that this is a potential outcome? Well, again, because if you haven't had that experience of absorbing part of your narrative, then it's amazing how irrationally or compartmentalize these people can be. And so again, it's a bit of a tangent, but, but the point is, all of these, factors can help explain why we're seeing the kind of chaos that we're seeing. You know, why we're seeing things that seem so irrational. And oh, and by the way, I'm back to this whole point about them getting in people's faces and everything just to tie it back together. Okay? They're not thinking, okay, I am interfering with law enforcement. Okay. They're thinking I am stopping the Nazis like it. Really? What? They're thinking. So it's worth the sacrifice whenever someone type something really nasty online, I am saving the world from the Nazis with my, you know, my little post here, right? That's what people are deluding themselves into believing in many cases. Yeah. And at the risk of sounding overly obvious to our listeners here, like, I know we started by speaking about the problematic behavior that's happening in the world in these big events that we're hearing about here in North America. But what it comes down to is more about the emotional, psychological processing of, again, the world around us, what's happening, what you know, our stances, what our rights are and on and on and on. So, you know, the behavior is a symptom of all of these things that we're discussing. Right. And forget about. Like, I'm not saying to be ignorant, I'm not saying do not care. And I seem to not have empathy, but forget about trying to save the world. I always tell this to patients because it's disempowering. It's disheartening. It's distressing when you are, you know, powerless to do anything about it. 99.99 to the end. A degree of the existence has nothing to do with you or you have no impact on it. So I always say focus more on what I can do. Okay. You know, maybe this war is not going to end or this bad person is not going to be sent to justice or whatever. But I say, don't forget that. Focus on if you want a better world, right? How can you be a decent person, an empathetic person, a caring person, to the people around you, in your tiny slice of the universe to say, focus on that, because that's where self agency comes in and that's where you can have a positive impact. Maybe it's only on 1 or 2 people, but you know it's better than zero. And it's something that's under your control. Main thing it's under your control versus the rest of the universe. That is not. Absolutely. So to our listeners, we want to hear what you think about this. Did this shift your perspective? Are you able to look at things a little bit differently and recognize the power that you do actually have in these situations? Let us know in the comments. Okay. And on that empowering note, until next time, keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.